Yesterday was Ryan’s birthday. This year, we decided to go on a picnic for lunch instead of a restaurant. So we ended up going to this field where we had gone about 6 years ago to do a photoshoot with a family. At first, we were disappointed because it had been turned into a field. They had a bunch of stuff planted, but when we looked out further we realized that part of the little shed that was there years ago was still there…so we went with that. It was so fun! We had a huge carabao in the background, two bees that wouldn’t leave us alone, and ants that ate me alive..but it was still GREAT! We both sat and talked about life. We also took a few pictures. My favorite one is the one of Ryan comparing his belly to mine. haha..I love that he is always up for anything. I’m sure he gets nervous thinking of what I might ask him to do next!
We also had a small party last night for my brother and Ryan. My brother’s birthday is on the 24th and Ryan’s is on the 25th so it’s easy to do a combined birthday party! I feel lucky to have both of them in my life!!
We had invited a few of the teens over for the party, so we took them home last night. I was soo tired but wanted to go because I knew we would get extra time to hang out and talk. I seriously love talking to Ryan. He always sets my mind straight. I told him how the one thing I loved about him was how he can get along with ANYONE. Literally. I also love the fact that he doesn’t get involved with my issues with other people. If I don’t like someone or I’m having a hard time getting along with someone, that’s my own issue. He still treats everyone the same regardless of how I may or may not like them. I LOVE that about him. I know one day my kids will benefit from it. Sometimes I’ll vent to him about someone I don’t like and he won’t say anything…I get so frustrated at first but in the end I’m so thankful cause it helps me realize how ridiculous or petty I’m being. It would be hard if I was married to someone who was always getting involved with all my “girl drama” or dislikes for different people.
It literally is so unreal how much your thought process and life changes just knowing that a child is on the way. It’s ALL I think about. We talk all the time about the different things we’d like to change in our lives before the kid comes. I have alot more changing than he does. ha! One of the things the Lord has really been working on my heart lately is learning to get along with people. I HATE AWKWARDNESS SOOO MUCH..so if I think someone doesn’t like me or I don’t like someone, I pretty much will avoid them because I hate to feel any sort of awkwardness or look fake in trying to reach out. I also realize it’s something I need to overcome. I want to have more of the heart Ryan has that just gets along with everyone regardless of how he may or may not feel about them. He may not AGREE or like someone, but you wouldn’t know it. Not that he doesn’t express if someone upsets him but he doesn’t dwell on it or let it cause him to treat that person differently.
I also realized that I need to be careful that I don’t end up one day using my kids to get at someone or people I don’t like. I know it could easily happen. I remember awhile back someone was was really unkind to me and I remember thinking, “When my kid gets here I’m not going to let you hang out with them or be close with them.” hahahaha What a petty thought, I know, but but it literally came to my mind. I feel SO ashamed for feeling and thinking that way though. I would literally be putting a curse on my family and child if I used them that way. I love the verse in Matthew 7:12- Therefore all things, whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them…” That’s how I want to approach people in life. Especially those I may not like or get along with. I’m not saying I’m going to buy us friendship bracelets or have our names engraved in a tree..but I do want to do right by people and I want my kids to see me approach unkindness in a Jesus way. I know that my kids are going to benefit from every decision I make. I don’t want to fall into the trap of trying to look for ways to get even or hurt them. And I especially don’t want to use my kids one day to do that. I’ve seen people say and do very unkind things to my parents, and they just don’t respond and I’m thinking, “WHAT??!” LET ME HAVE AT THEM.” But I truly believe that because of the way they have responded to hurt and unkindness, us four kids have benefited. They never used us against people that were unkind or hateful to them. I also never want to put Ryan in a position that he feels like he needs to defend me or fight my battles. I like that he balances me out!!! I’m thankful for Ryan and the life lessons his own life teaches me. He’s going to be such a GREAT dad. We’re both so excited for this kid to come. Yet so nervous all at the same time.
Happy Birthday Babe!! Thanks for making me want to be a better person!!!