I don’t really open up or tell people my weaknesses. Let’s face it. Who really does? Well, I decided I wanted to, because I realize that there has to be at least one person out there who is going through the same struggle I am. So I came up with “Transparent Saturday.” Pretty much if I blog on a Saturday, which isn’t much, it will be a transparent post! I know I’m going to regret making this day up! Oh well!! Here goes!!
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I am a quitter! This is something God has really been working a lot on me about! One of my biggest weaknesses since I was younger was I wanted to try everything and do everything. When it didn’t quite work out or go the way I planned, I would just, you know, QUIT! and go on to the next thing. You can ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that I have tried pretty much everything! I’m pretty sure I’ve driven my parents crazy with all the “I want to start doing this” phrases. They really have been so patient with me.
Here are a few things I tried but just quit:
Piano- Now I still like to play the piano occasionally on my own, but I just have no desire to play in front of people. My sister on the other hand is AMAZING at it!!
Violin- Okay, the only reason I really wanted to play violin was because of Rachel Martin. She seriously was amazing on the violin and I just knew (thought) it was meant for me. This is also something my sister is amazing at (She is helps with the music at our church so pretty much anything to do with instruments or notes she’s good at).
Guitar- I even had my mom buy me a PINK guitar. I pretty much swore this was my talent. Nope!
Sewing- My mom bought me a sewing machine awhile back. Now this is something I haven’t totally given up on because I actually do like learning about sewing. It’s just the whole numbers and dividing—ughh–it throws me off!!
Tutoring- I have tutored a few people here and there. Honestly though, I have absolutely no gift in tutoring.
College- Now everyone that knows me knows this one. Ha! I cringe in embarrassment of how many times I left college then went back. I honestly had no desire to go to college, especially in another country. By God’s grace though, I did finish this one out!!
I have so many other things I could tell you about that I’ve started and not finished. Honestly though, once I sat down and actually looked at all the things I had tried or wanted to do and ended up quitting them, there were always two reasons behind why I did them. First, I didn’t have a stable relationship with God so I often felt empty and frustrated so I would turn to a hobby or something to keep me happy! Second, because I see someone else do it. These two reasons were destroying me!
I had to come to that point in my life though where I had to ask myself “What are you doing?” Honestly, nothing! All the things that I’ve tried or thought was my great talent or what I loved, I’ve quit. One of my biggest draw backs is I spend so much time on Instagram or Facebook or watching TV or just scrolling through Pinterest or other people’s blogs admiring what they’re doing and just having my own little “I’M A LOSER” pity party! In reality, I’m pretty much just wasting my time away. So two days ago, I decided that for two days I was going to take a break from Instagram and Facebook and reading other people’s stuff! I literally was becoming so depressed because I was spending so much time just looking at what other people were doing that I just didn’t have a life. I was spending hardly anytime with God (this was the root of everything that was going wrong). It’s crazy how sometimes it takes 24 years before you realize it’s time for a change! Those two days were literally the best!!! I had time to just step back and spend time working on my relationship with God. I had time to think on my own without the thought of “I should do this because so and so is doing that and I think I can do it” or “I think I want to start that!”
I pretty much just let God hold up a mirror of my life in front of me. I am in no way saying I have arrived to where I should be in my relationship with God, but I am glad it’s not where it was 2 days ago. It’s gotten so much better!! I have way more confidence than I did two days ago! It hasn’t been easy! I’ve had to come to a realization of a lot of things! Things like I can’t do everything. I’m not meant to do everything. I shouldn’t do something just to be doing it. I should do something I really LOVE and am passionate about!!
As most of you know I do part time photography. I LOVE photography!! I think this and one other thing has just been something I really do love!! I constantly struggle with photography though because I am always comparing myself to other photographers and get all depressed because I think my work isn’t good enough. I really do love photography though, and whether it turns in to something big or not, I don’t ever think it’s something I will fall out of love with. I really do love how the Lord has been teaching me to just be happy with who I am and with what talents and abilities He’s given ME, not someone else, but ME!
I know there are A LOT of people out there who struggle with comparing themselves to someone else or trying to be someone else even going as far as trying to do what they do then QUIT because you realize it’s just not you! I know exactly how depressing that life can be, that’s pretty much 90% of my life!! I know also that just because I took two days off doesn’t mean Satan’s going to leave me alone and not try to depress or discourage me again! I know very well he’s already planning!! I do hope you know that you are NOT alone and that only God can help you get through it!!
Anyway, before I end, do you want to know that other thing I ALWAYS go back to?? Something I am “proud” to say I’m good at. . . . .PARTY DECORATIONS!! I have done this on and off and I absolutely love it! I like making my own decorations not buying them ready-made! I decided though, for one month, to do a lot of praying, planning and preparing before just jumping into it and advertising which is going to be hard because I am a POSTER-I love to post everything I’m doing. I am excited though, to see what God’s plans are!!:) )I’m sorry you had to read this really long transparent post!:) I do hope I encouraged at least one person out there!!!I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!
**all for HIS glory**